You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize