so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We smell like vodka and hangover
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