i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
