If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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