He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
