I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
