I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just want to make out with him forever
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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