It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
