3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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