Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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