Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize