I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
