It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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