"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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