Whod you bang
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just found puke in my bra..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
