Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
