just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
