i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
