he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
