So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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