I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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