hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
