nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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