you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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