finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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