Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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