I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
