The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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