I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
