i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
they're like a gay fantastic four
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
