Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
