During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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