just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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