im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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