Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
