I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
