batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found puke in my bra..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He did a backflip because drugs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
