I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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