I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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