I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
