Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
