Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
