she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
