man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
