Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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