just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
