Me. At least after what I've been through.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
