Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
