but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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