I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
