thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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