I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
