I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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