So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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