it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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