i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
