So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
