Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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