So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
