She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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