ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
