I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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