I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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