I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
