I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
