so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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