Someone shit on the floor
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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