The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
