sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
